El Hubiera No Existe, No Such thing as "If-I-Had"

When things don’t go the way you want, it feels like you replay every instance in your mind. At least I do, I question every part of it in search of what I did wrong or what I could have done differently to have made the situation better. My mom always says, “El hubiera no existe.” Translation: “There's no "If-I-had." It is better to embrace reality, rather than wonder how a situation COULD have resulted. This was how I felt for a while about Xavi. I was guilty and upset at first but as we all now, “No hay mal que dure cien años, ni pendejo que lo aguante.” Translation: “There is no evil that lasts 100 years or idiot who will willingly endure it.” Basically, I got over it... LOL

Anyway back to where I left off. So after the first time we hung out we were together almost everyday. He would text me asking where I was; If I was on campus we would meet up or go get coffee. Xavi said he didn’t even like coffee which is funny because that is where we went the majority of the time. I figured we went because he knew I am like addicted. Anyway, we hung out almost every day and he would come to my house for dinner or just to hang out for a bit and catch a break from school... One day when he came for dinner he said that like me, his ex used to cook for him too. I really didn’t know what to reply so I just kind of blew it off... I enjoyed his company and I felt he enjoyed mine (he also did say it ALL the time) I mean we would hang out doing practically nothing in the kitchen of my house until like 3 am sometimes. That sounds like someone that likes being around you right? My friends all saw us together and figured we were seeing each other and I mean I always denied it but there is a part of me that feels we were. (Reason why he is included here) We were friends but he had told me he thought I was pretty along with other things here and there. He said I wasn’t like other girls he had met. I know! Guys say that ALL the time to girls but coming from him I felt it meant something. Nothing ever happened between us, no kissing, holding hands, it was strictly platonic. Everything was going great, we were getting to know each other and having fun and I wouldn’t change any of that. Even to this day, I wouldn’t because I know that regardless of what happened between us he is a good guy (or I would like to think that he is). Then spring break came along. I was going to Mexico for about two weeks and he told me he was going back home. I was super excited to go to Mexico. I looked forward to this break because school was definitely stressing me out.

The day I leave comes around and I am very excited. I text Xavi until the very last minute before boarding my plane and flying thousands and thousands of miles away. I had a weird feeling about leaving. By now I was kind of used to Xavi being part of my daily ritual. Work- School- Xavi- Hw- Xavi... But I was definitely not going to let a guy bring me down! I had a blast in Mexico City. We went all over to Xochimilco, el Centro, Chapultepec, and we even got to visit Michoacan. I actually wish I was there now. I <3 el DF. After playing around with my phone in the wifi I realized my phone still worked. I received and replied to text messages and I was very excited to be able to write to Xavi. He was actually the second person I texted after I wrote my best friend E. However, with his response he didn’t sound very excited to hear from me, which kind of bummed me out. I told myself it would be different when I got home because of course, you cannot read emotions through a text message. I disregarded it. I kept having fun visiting museums and spending time with my family in general. It was amazing. So one day while the day to return drew close I was on Instagram and he posted a picture with his ex girl friend who was from back home. It kind of all made sense from there on... They must of gotten back together.

I arrived in my college town ready for the new quarter. I was very excited to start this quarter because it was the last before summer break! I told myself I was not going to text him. I was not going to be that girl that would get between a couple. I definitely was not interested in being a homewrecker. I wanted out the moment I saw he was interested in being back with her. At this point I was really decided to break all ties with Xavi. Then I got a text from him asking if I was back and asking to hang out. I sat there wondering “WHAT THE HECK.” Why would we hang out? He has a girlfriend which I am sure would not be okay with this, considering that I liked him. Then I stopped and told myself. No. We are just friends, I cannot stop hanging out with him just because he got back with her. The was what we agreed on, just friends. At this point nothing was confirmed. He never mentioned they were together again so I told myself that it may have not even worked out. I text him back and we hung out later that night.

This goes on for weeks. We hang out, we flirt, we spend hours together... He tells me things and the whole time he does I think “why is he telling me this, if he is back with her.” I never told him I knew... I guess I was afraid. He was a really good guy and he was a lot of fun and we got into a lot of shenanigans together. I didn’t want to lose that. I guess another part of me also hoped he would ditch his girl and pick me. But I was not counting on that. I moved with caution and tried to build a barrier because a part of me knew that it would end bad if I fell for him. Despite all I did, I grew attached to Xavi. I mean who wouldn’t. I felt cariño for him. (translation: affection) Plus he was very thoughtful he would go out of his way to do nice things for me.(Its nice to feel appreciated) Then one day it all blew over. We were in class and he had asked me where I was. I was running late that day and to my surprise he was all dressed up wearing slacks, tie and everything. I txt him “where are you going looking all fresh?” He replied something along the lines of, “I am getting married today.” I thought it was funny. I went along with it of course and replied “Wow poor girl, no party or anything...What a bad Fiance.” So it hit me and I thought now was time to confront him. So I did. I asked him, “So who are you marrying?” He took a while to reply, almost as if he knew that text would just change everything. He said “You know...” I replied, “So what is her name?” Then it all came out. He had gotten back with her a while back. They were back together and he loved her. I was not hurt, I was bummed out but I knew, had I not already known they were back together it may have been a different story... He admitted to leading me on and he said he was sorry... “Thats great... you are sorry,” I told myself. It doesn’t change anything.

As I wrote in my previous blog about the three dating types, Xavi was the type of guy that could not be alone. I felt sort of like her replacement. I reminded him of her and I was there for him only in the meantime until she got over it and came back. I did not mind being there for him because a breakup is a very hard time and because I considered him, above all, my friend. I had been in his situation before and I knew that at first without her he must have felt kind of on his own. The making up and breaking up drama is the worst and when we were friends I explained to him that it was not worth it. When trust is loss and someone fucks up it is very difficult to fix things. Might as well move on. If a couple decides to give themselves another shot at the relationship, both must agree that each others mistakes will NEVER (under any circumstance) be brought up again. Once something is forgiven in a relationship it must be forgotten or else it will not work. I also believe that after a breakup it is absurd to get back together. When I make a decision, I stick to it. I think it is very unreasonable to make a decision and after the time effort and consideration put into it, go back on that decision. Going back on my decisions is doubting myself and my choices.

Xavi and I tried being “friends.” Which we were to begin with so I still don’t understand why he proposed that...Anyway. I know what you are thinking, why did you stay friends with him?! My answer is I don’t know. I swore he was a good guy. However, my perception of him completely changed after one afternoon when Xavi was drunk out of his mind and we ran into each other. Drunk words are sober thoughts, they say. Maybe. In front of my friends and my brother he made a scene saying he wanted to fix things between us. He apologized over and over. I didn’t want to talk about it he was too drunk. He said no that we had to talk about it then and there. Yet, instead of making things better the way he intended he made things worst. After that day, for a long time Xavi tried talking to me. He tried sending me texts, talking to me in class, tried offering to hang out, but I just rejected the whole idea of us being friends. I told him it wasn’t a good idea that his girlfriend wouldn’t approve if she knew about us... He was still with her but that didn't change much. Which leaves me wondering how much he cared about her...

Xavi is a great guy he is just infatuated with the idea of a relationship that was once ideal. I may be wrong but I think he liked me. We never really got into that very much. We were too focused on being friends and having fun with each other to talk about how we felt about each other. Maybe he didn't like me and he just felt my company eased his hurt from the break up a little. Who knows. I mean we enjoyed each others company and we knew that. Everyone tells me they saw us being good together. Perhaps. Who knows right... I think that what bugs me the most is that I was in Xavi’s place once. I gave up on a great opportunity with a guy that was completely worth my time to get back with my ex boyfriend who I only wasted years with. I think what makes me mad about Xavi isn’t that he led me on but that, like me, we knew there was something there and chose the relationship we knew, the relationship that was broken. Rather than choosing one that may have had a future and could have meant something. I am not mad at him! I actually thank him because of him I am able to see how dumb I acted when I was with my ex boyfriend. Xavi was my Karma.

FIRST DATE type of Girl

Gathering my thoughts for this blog was somewhat of a challenge for me. Not to mention that it has been a very busy eventful week. I do apologize about being so late on this post!

CAUTION: The thoughts I write below are my own personal beliefs. I am aware that there will be people who will disagree with my views. Nonetheless, I would like to add there is no right or wrong way to live. No right or wrong way to date or to build a relationship; however there is a right way for me (and for you of course). I live my life the way I please and I encourage others to do the same.

With that being said, I have always thought it was interesting that before people get to know me, they often make assumptions about my life. I suppose this happens to everyone but for some reason people have difficulty reading me (I guess I am a strange person). They initially assume I am  promiscuous or boy crazy which are both not true. People often misconceive my outgoing personality for something its not as a consequence people make incorrect assumptions of my dating habits. I mention this because guys often do this also! (which is especially frustrating) They have expectations about dates with me and assume they can get farther then they will. (Which is not far at all! LOL more on that later!)  I consider myself a very old fashioned/traditional woman to an extent. There is nothing wrong with promiscuity, the way I see it is that if that is what a person chooses to do then all the power to them. I feel that sex is IMPORTANT, a lot more important and special than many people consider it. Now people have sex early on in relationships and give little time to dating and getting to know a person, unfortunately. Personally, I feel that promiscuity is not for me. I will not live my life this way because, as I have written in my past blogs, I know my own worth. What I mean by this is that I want to be taken seriously and for the person I am with to also know my worth.  I believe everyone has a dating type. With that being said, before I explain these different categories, I must clarify that there is nothing wrong with being classified under any of these styles considering that we are mindful of the person you are dating’s feelings (bf/gf/ lover etc) and are honest at all times.These are the dating styles I have encountered the most recently...

To begin I want to start with the type of people that, unfortunately, make it difficult for us all and considerably complicate things for themselves. The dating style that is the most frustrating for me. These are the people that CANNOT be alone. By this, I am describing the people that always ALWAYS need to have someone in their life and in their heart. These are the people that always want to be taken. They like to be needed and enjoy having someone to depend on. Those in this category are not necessarily always on the hunt but they do not appreciate regained freedom the way others do.

Next is the group that is completely closed off from Love. They do not want to know anything about dating and relationships. No one is worth them losing their independence. They believe love makes them vulnerable, a situation they do not want to be in EVER. They would rather be alone. They believe love, dating and relationships are a pointless risk. They question the need for it and would much rather stay away. Honestly, I can’t blame them because sometimes it feels that way... right?

Last but not least, is traffic light dating. I call it traffic light dating because a person starts dating then stops and starts again then stops again... They can’t seem to find what they are looking for and when they think they have found it, something goes wrong. This is me. For you to better understand me, I am a one date type of girl. By this I mean that I go on a lot of first dates. For one reason or another things don’t work out. I may not like him, he may not like me or maybe there was just no chemistry. Although I am definitely old school, I consider myself a traffic light dater to the MAX. I find myself on first dates very frequently. The best way to explain the way I feel is by saying this... I love my freedom and I am not willing to give it up for someone I am not certain (absolutely) deserves me...

More on these categories later! I promise I am going somewhere with this!

I decided to begin to write about something, or better yet, someone that has come up in conversation pretty often in the past couple of weeks. But before I get to that I want to give you a little bit of background so you better understand me, him and the situation. This story is about Xavi; he was guy number two in the Dating Game Challenge. Anyway, this story will be split in half because I feel it is very important to talk about it ALL and for space’s sake it would be nice to have two posts devoted to my experience with him. So... Here I go!

I first laid eyes on Xavier at a large event at my school that he was participating in. I had seen him around campus before but did not think much of him. I mean, he was handsome but that was it... On my college campus, yes, you see handsome guys here and there but rarely do you get the opportunity to have a one on one conversation with them if you don’t have a class together or are introduced. I finally got to meet Xavi at a small get together at some friends’ house. That night, a friend of his was putting in serious work trying to mac (LOL this means being flirty trying to talk to me) but to be honest, I was not interested. I was actually not interested in much that night. I was there to have a good time with friends without drinking because I was driving. So some music comes on and everyone wants to dance. Of course, there I go dancing with my girls. Eventually, I danced with a couple of the guys. Then I danced with Xavi. It was not necessarily his looks because there were definitely a handful of good looking guys that night but there was just something else about him that I liked. He asked me to dance and while we danced we talked about a baile that was going to happen later that month in a city nearby. (For those of you that do not know what a baile is, it is a dance)For those of you that know about banda, Banda el Recodo is THE ABSOLUTE best. Period. End of story! It was one of those bailes with a sick ass line up of the greatest of the greatest bandas. I was still undecided but I really wanted to go. Xavi mentioned he was interested in going also. We danced a couple of songs together and we parted ways. I saw him throughout the night but I ended up dancing with another guy the rest of the night which was cool he was a good dancer. No complaints. So that was that...

A couple of days later after doing my research about the baile, I heard that the same exact line up would be at an even closer venue! I was really excited to hear that because it would be a for sure thing to see La Banda el Recodo. So of course, I busted out the handy dandy facebook and I searched him, at this point he had already requested me and we were friends... I also knew, I wanted him there with me at the baile! So I messaged him and told him and thats where it all began.

Xavi and I started talking on the regular... He asked me for my phone number and before I knew it we were texting pretty consistently. Prior to this we realized we had a bunch of things in common, of course we liked the same music, we both LOVED the same baseball team and we a similar sense of humor. The first time we hung out he asked me out for coffee. I will be honest, I woke up early to do my hair for this guy. Thats a big thing considering that at that moment I worked at a restaurant and I had little time for myself or for anything that wasn’t school and school work. Xavi could talk for days! We talked about so many different things; we talked about our families, life, friends. We had a good time. Then he broke it down for me...

Xavi had just gotten out of a long term relationship about a week before that day we were hanging out... He told me about her, about their differences and the reason of their breakup in general. He was being honest and I appreciate that he was. We were walking to my car and he asked me how I felt about it... I returned the honesty he had offered me earlier. I told Xavi that I did think he was a cool guy and of course that he was handsome, no secret at all. I said I knew where he was coming from and that I enjoyed his company. Then I proposed to him that if he wanted to, we should keep hanging out. To which he replied that he wanted the same thing... He was just out of a relationship and at that moment he was not ready to start something else. There I told him no I mean, we are just friends. That is where it all began, and the story gets more complicated than this... Stay tuned for the second part of this story... **Cliff hanger**

Challenge Lesson Part 1

My mom never NEVER liked my ex boyfriend. She swears he was never good enough for me. In her defense, as a Mother, I can imagine that no one will ever be good enough for your children, especially your only daughter. After every time we broke up, Mom prayed it would be the last time and for about three or four times it was not. This last time however, Diosito finally made it happen for her (and for me of course). Anyway, my Mom is one of those Mothers that constantly has something to say about my life. I don’t really mind it anymore, I just ignore what I don’t want to hear. However, most of the time she has very wise things to say and I do keep her advice in mind. So when she told me that I should find someone, I knew she meant it. She asked me if I still had feelings for my ex boyfriend to which I responded “No MOM.” She then said something that made me realize what I was doing... She said “Perdiste mucho tiempo con ese muchacho y para que... Conoce a alguien mas, has tu vida.” Translation: “You wasted a lot of time with that boy and for what... Meet someone, live your life.” So here I am...

As of last last July, I started dating on and off . At first, there was a small part of me which could not see myself with anyone else. Even though it had already been decided that our break was for good, it was still very difficult. With that being said, I should also mention that walking into the college dating life, at first, I was a bit intimidated. In high school it was very common, at least for me, to like boys that were not as smart as I was. You know the bad boys, the wannabe gangsters or the football players. In college this was completely different as here I began to meet very educated men who were engineering or economic majors etc... However, just because a guy goes to college does not make him any better than a guy who does not!!!!!! My first two quarters as a Freshman had been very low key, as of course, I spent most (not all) of my free time with my boyfriend. Luckily, spring quarter arrived and we had broken up. Not long after, I joined an organization which encouraged me to get involved with on-campus activities and with my comunidad. After joining I met many new people with which I established stronger connections throughout the summer and into my Sophomore year. Fall quarter of my second year arrived and so began my most exciting year as an Undergrad, up until now. Winter quarter was essentially the beginning of the Dating Game Challenge. Anyhow, dating at first was very difficult and I was definitely giving off a “not so approachable” vibe. I turned down getting to know several guys that quarter because I was just not looking for anything yet. I am thankful for having had this period as it gave me the necessary time to consider what I needed and wanted from my dating life. I was sure at that point that I was not ready for a relationship as the bitter taste of defeat still remained from my last unsuccessful relationship.

Onto something else! The term “_blank_ goggles” was introduced to me by my best friend who is a student at a mostly all guys automotive school. I will often refer to him so lets call him E. So E introduced the term goggles to me when he explained that at his school there were only a handful of girls. He was explaining to me that the girls at his school were not necessarily very cute but they received a lot of attention from the guys there. He said the guys had “Auto goggles” because to those guys at this University a girl who, elsewhere would be considered a 4 on a sexy-o-meter, there was considered a 7.  LOL. At that moment I thought that was the funniest thing I had ever heard! Then I stopped and it hit me; I have Dance goggles! One thing that I absolutely cannot stand and that I hate about myself are my Dance goggles! Although I have tried to change (not so hard but I have tried) I continue to be unsuccessful. I just love men who can dance! Anyway, I usually go for the best dancer in the room! The problem with that is that I often pass up men who cannot dance! I know, I know I need to stop this and I promise I will work on it ;) I love to dance. I am definitely not going to say I am a sick ass dancer but I mean I enjoy dancing and that is what matters right? I tell everyone that if you go on the dance floor and have fun people will assume you know what you are doing!  Funny thing is that a lot of the guys that I have met and dated were introduced to me in a setting where the first thing we did was dance.

Now onto my very FIRST Date during this challenge! I definitely learned a lot from the first guy I dated. I was introduced to him at a party. That same night, we had made plans to see each other at another party and we kind of started talking from there... I had mixed emotions to whether I liked him or not. To me, some type of attraction is important and when I don’t feel any chemistry with a guy I don’t consider it for very long. However, I did feel a little more pressured into liking him as a lot of people around us would ask us about each other. I was not able to form my own opinion about him initially because EVERYONE had something to say about him... Good and bad.We hung out a handful of times but I wasn't entirely sure.

PROBLEM #1 That IDK feeling...

Most likely if I feel any doubt about someone, any doubt whatsoever, its the cue to stop seeing them. I have noticed that my gut feeling is right 95% of the time. I hate that I ignore it so often. Honestly, there are times I wish I could go back and have trusted my initial feelings about a guy. In spite of this, I don't necessarily consider my dates mistakes as I believe these men I have encountered have helped me learn more about myself and of life.  

Problem #2 DECIDE FOR YOURSELF

I love it when my friends tell me things about the guys I am seeing. Negative or positive, I just love knowing that my friends are concerned and are looking out for me. Nonetheless, there will always be someone that wants to kill the vibe and be negative about a guy for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I do think it is very important to listen to my friends but I am a smart girl and if you weren't there and you didn't see it I won't trust 100%. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt so I try to get to know them, not just guys. On the other hand, I do think it is very important to take care of myself and to listen closely. If I have heard a guy is not the nicest I will definitely be on the defense. I will not give him the opportunity to hurt me. If I feel at all uncomfortable with his presence it will for sure be the last time I see him. If someone treats me nicely and with respect, I won’t let others’ opinions affect my impression of them.

Stay tuned, stay classy and Like my Soy Aly page on Facebook everyone!! I will be posting updates of my new blogs. Stay tuned to some fun stuff I plan on doing! ;)

#CollegeGirlProblems and the Art of Filtering

First and foremost, I want to thank you all for following my posts and for sharing my Blog with your friends! And of course for Subscribing! If you have not yet subscribed, I really appreciate if you do! ;) Hope my insight empowers all you lovely people that are interested in my experience with this Challenge! Also, I hope my experiences help you all reflect on your own lives and that  my gained wisdom in relationships assists you in making better relationship/dating decisions.

Now what many of you have been expecting! I’m starting to get into the good stuff, the step by step dating process! Before the fun and games of dating I actually do have to do some work! What kind of work? Its simple ground work. I definitely start by encourage myself to go out and I usually do not have a problem with that but, let me tell you, being a small town college student limits where you can go and what you can do! Being a college student is a full time job and for those of us that also have a part time job it can be very difficult. Not to mention, how time consuming studying and preparing for courses can be as we must dedicate full focus on courses. And of course the lack of sleep does not make it any easier. So that you all understand my suffering I will expand on this (wahhhhhh)! Below I will describe several difficulties I have encountered dating while in college...

Problem #1 School school and more school ugh!

I am always at school. I attempt to take 16 units every quarter and when I am not in class or at my job, I am usually at the library. Okay so I know what you are thinking “Why is she complaining she must go to school with many smart educated men.” That is where everyone is wrong!!!! This is where I get into the REAL problem and it is the ratio of men to women at my school. Oh my, it is ridiculous! Let me tell you, the statistics show that there is a 4 to 6 ratio of men to woman. Moreover, the Latino community at my University is about 16% of the entire school population. Lets not do math but thats a pretty limited amount of men I can meet. Being that there are so many guys and so little girls the inevitable occurs. I mean who can blame them right, with so many girls left and right many must of gone a little girl crazy. However what is very unfortunate is that many of the guys that I have met stopped looking for anything more...So the moral of this story is ENCOURAGE MEN TO GO TO COLLEGE because they will meet a lot of smart and beautiful women!  

Problem #2 Time flies

The struggle between should I sleep or should I dress semi-decent today? This is my inner conflict every single morning!  A guy shouldn’t just look at my outer beauty but I do feel that it would help my own confidence if I dressed up a little more here and there! More often than not, I pick sleep rather than looking cute for school. This of course means wearing them YOGA PANTS or sporting what my best guy friend calls “the Rachet bun.” I tell myself at the beginning of the year that I will try to dress up more often for school but honestly it is very difficult especially towards midterms/finals week!

Problem #3 Awaiting the 21st!

I am 20 years old and let us all agree that men are, lets just say, less mature than us females... I prefer to date older men maybe a few years older. I have met my share of immature 19 and 20 year olds. Age is nothing but a number, they say to which I disagree. Age is important to me at least in my present stage of life. From this Challenge I have learned that dating younger men is not a good idea but that story will come later! Anyway! With that being said, I am 20 years old and currently feeling too old for the 18 and over section! I impatiently await my 21st birthday and anticipate hanging out with a different crowd!

Thats all for that...

Filtering: Take control 

Anyway, you all may be wondering what I mean by filtering. Filtering is perhaps THE MOST IMPORTANT step in my dating process. In my previous blogs, I discussed self-love and I have also talked about the importance of knowing what I want in a person; however these two things go hand in hand with filtering. Here we go, first and foremost I must admit that I will not go out of my way to talk to guys! To me, there is not necessarily a who approaches who rule; however it is a known fact that approaching a guy completely feeds his ego. Which is something I try not to do early on! On the other hand, I do expect the guy to be the first to ask me out on a date. If he wants to spend time with me he will be persistent if he doesn’t show much interest there is no second chance. Peace. Second chances will NOT be given early on. To me it is important to only date the men that I am interested in as I would not want to waste his or my time. I also think it is really important to know enough about the guy to be comfortable around each other and have things to talk about. There is nothing worse than a quiet date.
What I want you all to take from my blog today is that as women we chose who we date. Men may approach us but we decide who the lucky few that will enjoy our company will be. Take control of your dating life. Stay tuned, stay classy and subscribe ;)

Dating Game Challenge 101

As I am sure I left some of you with questions here and there, to tie up loose ends, I want to clarify and further elaborate on some aspects of the Dating Game Challenge. What it is and what it is not...

What it is... 

I am a firm believer that the Dating Game Challenge is capable of helping woman with their shy personalities as it pushes them to date and "get out there" by interacting with many guys. However, my own reason to take on this challenge is simple! Too simple! In all aspects of life it is important to do research, be it when making a big purchase or an important decision. A relationship is a big deal, at least to me it is. I feel that, as a rational woman, it is important to evaluate our choices. Dating helps us decide whether we are ready to be in a relationship and it also helps us discover what we like and don't like in a partner.

What it is not...

It is not going to be a place where I will put my dates on blast!! As mad as I am at a guy I will never speak of them negatively. I will however describe situations that I feel should be mentioned but will do so with respect. My intention is to talk about what I learned from each guy. What the dating game is not  about, it is not about SEX! My blog is not at all going to be about sex... I may talk about it here and there but it is definitely not the theme of my blog. The reason I date, which my Mother and all the older woman in my family have repeated to me on AND ON (...AND ON) is as my Mom says "you date to EVENTUALLY (and I stress eventually) find someone you would like to marry." In my own perspective I date, not necessarily to find a HUSBAND, but to build a relationship with a person I can see myself with in the future (in the not so near future!). So what I am trying to say is that I do not and will not date anyone that I do not consider a relationship with. I take men seriously because of course I expect for them to do the same!

That is all for that... Now onto something else... Some may be wondering what I will take from this experience. To my readers that know me on a personal level know that I am a very confident person, too confident at times. To be honest, I don't know where I get this confidence from exactly but I do feel that there is one thing that helps! I love myself. I love myself A LOT! Its not in a conceited kind of way its in a "I deserve the best because I try to be the best person I can be" type of way. I hope that makes sense. They say "You must first love yourself in order for someone else to love you." This is 100% true!! This has also been key throughout this Challenge because I have definitely encountered situations which make me wonder why even date? Why put myself out there? And thats the thing about dating, you won't find the perfect guy right away, I have dated a handful of guys this year and let me tell you I have not thought any of these was perfect for me! But as my Mom once told me "No hay peor lucha que la que no se hace no se hace." Translation: NOTHING ventured, NOTHING gained. I mean, who knows right, what if this guy is THE GUY but you never show him that. Anyway, throughout all this, I remind myself that dating will be what I make of it and if it doesn't work out, whether I don't like him or he doesn't like me, at least we had a good time. I was enlightened when I realized that in dating you have to walk in without expectations but at the same time holding your highest standards. Meaning that I must expect my date to fuck up big time in case he wasn't what I expected him to be while still be down to have fun together. I believe in holding high standards that they must meet to get that second date, why keep dating a jerk or someone you have nothing in common with?!

Now onto MEEEEE (My favorite topic of today's blog)
I am realistic and I know it is impossible to have all of the qualities I like in one man but these are only little things that I feel are important. 

I want butterflies. 

For him to not open the car door. 

Why? Because if he is not willing to do it for the rest of our life then I am not interested!

After I cooked, he washed the dishes!

I hate the dishes >:/

Don't buy me a dozen flowers, buy me a dozen cupcakes!

My love for cupcakes arises!

Sorry Mijo but you have to know how to dance...

Can't dance, we can't date jk I'm down to teach him!

Skip the fancy dinners and lets go on a road trip instead.

Its not about the quantity you spend but the quality of the time together.

A guy can't show me all this on a first date so I have to trust in myself that I will only date the guys I feel are worthy of me and of my time. Stay tuned, stay classy and subscribe!  

What is the Dating Game Challenge?

What is the Dating Game, you may be asking yourself... Why the Dating Game? For how long? All reasonable questions however before I answer any, I must tell you all about myself. I am a 20 year old  Mexican-American better yet, a Chicana, college student at a well known University in California. I was raised in a single parent household by a very traditional Mother of two. I am the eldest and the first to attend college in my immediate family. With that being said, I am also the first to move away. The first at it all. I am the practice child.

Now that I got that out of the way... The Dating History begins, I had my first boyfriend at the age of 13. My mother was not the typical Mexican mother that prohibited me dating. She would suggest things here and there and of course tell me "DO NOT HAVE SEX. BE SMART. NO TE QUEDES CON EL PRIMER PENDEJO." Translation: "Do not end up with the first idiot." She still says a lot of those things. Just like she continues to play an important role in how I make my decisions. All in all, I feel that my mother is my biggest influence and the reason behind some, if not all, of the decisions I make in regard to my dating life but that is something I will discuss later...

I had several boyfriends here and there, however my first and most serious relationship began when I was 13 and it lasted until the age of 19. We dated starting middle school until my first year of college. Of course it began as a simple middle school relationship with no intentions of "forever." It was a "break up and make up" relationship with more lows than highs. Six years of accumulated arguments and unresolved problems and the straw that broke the camels back was college. Approximately six years later, I was out of a relationship which was all I knew. I asked myself, "Now where is all my swag?" I did not know where to start, whether to be happy/sad, concerned... It was all new to me.

So now I am here about a year after we broke up... blogging about the Dating game that I started earlier this year. So here starts the good part! 

Why the dating game?

The Dating Game Challenge is what I have named it. After my long and excruciatingly painful long term relationship, I knew that I never ever in my life wanted to date an asshole. Ever. EVER. After haven given so much and recieved so little, I took it upon myself to not settle for just like... I want love. As you read the title it may appear shallow, "Dating Game" so men are her game you may have asked yourself. No. Dating IS the game. Many have referred to it this way and they are right. If you play your cards right, if you take your time and play it smart you will be successful. The Dating Game was inspired by the lovely older woman in my life which range from my mother, aunts, cousins, coworkers...etc. You ask them about their love life and ask them one thing they regret... they tell you "not having dated enough." These woman encourage me to observe and seek for quality traits in men and to promptly disregard and rid myself of the men that are not looking for the same thing that I am. Or for the men that look for other things... (y'all know what that means)

For how long? When will it end?

My mission is to date and get to know many guys in the rest of the year. There will be no status quo to meet however there will be standards. The standards that I look for in men... Which I will further discuss in my following blog. When will it end? The Dating Game challenge will end at the end of the year. I commit to this Challenge and here comes DATING RULE CHALLENGE #1 if there were to be a guy to attempt to change my relationship status he must wait until this challenge is over. Meaning that if the guy is worth it, I will keep dating that one guy. However I am quite certain that there will not be! Today is July 16th, and as of January 1st I have dated a total of 6 guys.... However those stories will come later. Stay tuned ;)